Today I am giving up my Greyhound Rescue Dog Alex. He is going back to a Greyhound Adoption Center foster home. I can’t even wrap my head around this concept, and yet, I move toward this event piece by piece, minute by minute. Along with perhaps millions of people over the last couple of years, I’ve been losing… everything. Stick by stick, piece by piece, furniture, kayak, car, house… and now Alex. I thought I had already bottomed out, lost everything, and was on my way back… around January 2011…. but, no. I lost my health care last month, and now Alex.
My brain is screaming at me… inside… the argument rages, “It’s best for him”, “I am giving up”…. And on it goes, moment by moment, piece by piece I am rolling toward the inevitable result. Later today, I’ll come back home to this tiny apartment, to no one and nothing; in just a few hours.
As I write this, Alex looks at me from his cozy bed in the middle of this living room. He wills me to take him for a walk, and I am. But out to the car, not down to the walking trail. He adapted to apartment living, but I didn’t. I lost my privacy, my space, my patience. He needs more time, more attention, more vet visits…. I have none and no resources.
In this case he will be better off playing with other Greyhounds, romping through 2 acres, a house with a giant dog door, and retired people with resources. He won’t be sitting around waiting for me to come home from work, day after day. He’ll make new friends. But, I am shattered.
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